There is this strong independent woman inside me, who sometimes feels it to be unreal. I have a full life, contributing to the society, doing my own bit. Can drive, cook, do basic first aid, can manage finances (reasonably well)...how is it that with all these positives, the only thought that is always always overriding all this is how much I miss the man.
The other half, the one with whom my thoughts and sentences were complete. Who made me laugh, who understood and noticed small details that would fool everyone else.
The man did love the winter light
Jotting down a list of things (in no particular order), that I miss about him
- His hands - the man had the most beautiful hands that I have seen till date. Long artistic fingers that bore truth to his love for working with them - be it the sourdoughs that he learnt via YouTube or his leather work or the ferments or the photography or the hand-crafted diaries or his cooking or his ferments
- That broken tooth in the front - the one that would make him smile that endearing smile whenever he looked at me.
- That warm hug that was my feeling of coming home. I have moved a fair bit across cities and places, and somehow most places have felt transitory. Even here in thie hills, which feels most like home, it was his hug which made me feel rooted, grounded. He was home.
- His warmth and empathy - the way he could always, always put himself in another's shoes. Always understanding the challenges that the person might be battling to behave the way they are. That inherent connect with people, even though he would not open up with most people. But people somehow felt comfortable with him, felt safe with him.
- His zest to learn something new. All the time. He was always on YouTube - learning - from baking to leather work. I could go on and on about the many things that interested him, but it would be a looooooong list.
- His voice - he was the one taking photographs, so I have very few of him. And I miss his voice so much - the one that would help me calm down in the middle of a storm. the one that would help me pause, the one that would remind me about the beauty of life. And how the small stuff is just that...the small stuff.
There are life partners and there are soul mates. And he was that. My soul mate, my best friend.
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