We have had a long weekend break for Diwali. 6 days where I had planned to catch up on all work in the first couple of days. Then read those books that I have been itching to reach, for the next 2 days. And of course, go for long walks and resume my yoga. That was the plan. What I hadn't planned for, was the grief. Making marigold garlands to string across doorways was left midway. As I remembered how Tonmoy would not celebrate anything, but participate in everything that I'd do. So the garlands would not be strung on ordinary thread, but the one he used for his leather work. The waxed string would hold the shape better. I would then use the same threads to string up the flowers to dry, which would then be powdered and kept for Holi. Diyas were washed and dried and wicks made with cotton. And both were left separate. The urge to light a lamp was overshadowed with the sadness that surrounds me like a cloud. One that holds me in a space where the heaviness wears me...