Yes, yes - I haven't been writing. Not that I haven't penned down thoughts, or ideas, just haven't put them together in a blog post.
Today though I swam through that inertia - which makes me write only long e-mails to close friends and sometimes meaningful updates on Facebook.
It all started with a discussion about a particular friend who is in a troubled, unhappy marriage. I'll just call her 'S'. She is attractive, intelligent, confident, well-read, well-traveled - yes, I know, so what's the catch? The catch or the giant blip on the radar is her husband. He is ALSO attractive, intelligent, well-read....you get the drift? What he is not, is that he is not a nice person. He likes demeaning his wife, sometimes beating her and keeping her cowed down.
You wouldn't think it was possible in this day and age. Not with the kind of woman I just described. But then, unfortunately, it is just so much more commoner than we think it is.
So what does make a woman stay in such a relationship?
Comfort, familiarity and a fear of the unknown. Yes, I do speak from a point of knowledge. I am a survivor of an abusive relationship. It happened years back, but I lost my friends, my academic career was put on hold and I landed up hurting people closest to me. But in all this, what I lost out on most was my self-respect.
It takes a lot of courage to break away from the mind numbing familiarity and trust the unknown. What if it's even worser out there? And what if those people never really welcome you back? What if you have become such an outcast that you'll never find acceptance anywhere at all? And what if your worst nightmares were true?
What have you got left?
The courage that one needs - comes from an unfamiliar spring deep inside you, that you didn't even know existed. The hope comes from people who let you know that all is not lost. And slowly, your confidence starts showing up in small acts - almost like small shoots coming out from the untilled soil in spring.
One fine day, you choose to walk away to start your life anew. You dress even better because you don't want the world to see how deep your wounds go. You party harder because you don't trust silence anymore. And you start meeting random men (some even worse than your ex), because you still need that 'other' person to start living again. You know there's a nice person out there for you. In Bengali, we have an old-fashioned word 'bhadralok' (gentleman - but so much more complete than the English word can ever tell), to describe them.
Suddenly, life takes a 360-degree turn. You meet your ex at a party and realize that he doesn't affect you anymore. You also realize that you really don't need to find that other person right away - life will go its own way - and you'll find him - somewhere, somehow. You start reading, going to movies, traveling, cooking - all things you really enjoyed doing in your earlier life.
You start living again.
P.S. My friend 'S'? I just hope she's reading this and finding her inner unfamiliar spring.
Today though I swam through that inertia - which makes me write only long e-mails to close friends and sometimes meaningful updates on Facebook.
It all started with a discussion about a particular friend who is in a troubled, unhappy marriage. I'll just call her 'S'. She is attractive, intelligent, confident, well-read, well-traveled - yes, I know, so what's the catch? The catch or the giant blip on the radar is her husband. He is ALSO attractive, intelligent, well-read....you get the drift? What he is not, is that he is not a nice person. He likes demeaning his wife, sometimes beating her and keeping her cowed down.
You wouldn't think it was possible in this day and age. Not with the kind of woman I just described. But then, unfortunately, it is just so much more commoner than we think it is.
So what does make a woman stay in such a relationship?
Comfort, familiarity and a fear of the unknown. Yes, I do speak from a point of knowledge. I am a survivor of an abusive relationship. It happened years back, but I lost my friends, my academic career was put on hold and I landed up hurting people closest to me. But in all this, what I lost out on most was my self-respect.
It takes a lot of courage to break away from the mind numbing familiarity and trust the unknown. What if it's even worser out there? And what if those people never really welcome you back? What if you have become such an outcast that you'll never find acceptance anywhere at all? And what if your worst nightmares were true?
What have you got left?
The courage that one needs - comes from an unfamiliar spring deep inside you, that you didn't even know existed. The hope comes from people who let you know that all is not lost. And slowly, your confidence starts showing up in small acts - almost like small shoots coming out from the untilled soil in spring.
One fine day, you choose to walk away to start your life anew. You dress even better because you don't want the world to see how deep your wounds go. You party harder because you don't trust silence anymore. And you start meeting random men (some even worse than your ex), because you still need that 'other' person to start living again. You know there's a nice person out there for you. In Bengali, we have an old-fashioned word 'bhadralok' (gentleman - but so much more complete than the English word can ever tell), to describe them.
Suddenly, life takes a 360-degree turn. You meet your ex at a party and realize that he doesn't affect you anymore. You also realize that you really don't need to find that other person right away - life will go its own way - and you'll find him - somewhere, somehow. You start reading, going to movies, traveling, cooking - all things you really enjoyed doing in your earlier life.
You start living again.
P.S. My friend 'S'? I just hope she's reading this and finding her inner unfamiliar spring.
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