Loose Change

Gardens to me are sacred spaces Where new beginnings happen every day Where things die a little each day Where the soil gives you something everyday Where the weather laughs at you each day... In the midst of it all, One finds peace One searches for joy One reaches out to the Earth Hoping... For something she knows not what For that one thing that only the Earth can give And strangely, The Earth understands this plea And gives... Every single time. Just like Mother

Years ago, I knew (deep down in your guts, take on the world kind of knowledge) that I was destined to learn French. I was in love with the language.The food, over the top mannerisms and the Gallic exclamations - I was enchanted by all of it. I took the next logical course of applying for a language course. National level entrance exams made the entry tough - or so they said. But you know the naivety and certainty of youth, right? No, no this bit has a happy ending. I did get admission, started the course, was getting A levels; enjoying every minute of it all. So of course, I had to screw it up. Pretty much like a lot of things that I've managed to, in life. An abusive relationship, lost friends, and more. I couldn't handle it anymore and ran away.  I didn't lose weight, but I did continue running for a very long time. I didn't really find myself, neither did I know what I was looking for. Some years back though, some of it changed. I have found my so...

Oh! That's not fair. I'm not an album person at all. In fact this question was the perfect 'out' for me to not write today. However, I do love music. I listen to it at all times, in all moods and seasons - sometimes to escape reality. And sometimes to remind myself of the real world. My favourites would be a wide mix - from Hindustani Classical to Jazz.  When Rodrigo y Gabriela start playing the guitar, I wear that wide flared skirt and dance the perfect samba (or is it the salsa?). And when Pandit Jasraj sings, I'm in this saree wearing a large bindi in an almost meditative trance. Ella makes me feel loved, wanting to be loved some more and sensual. And Nina Simone starts a yearning deep down, which I rarely express knowing that it will most often be misunderstood. With Leonard Cohen, I become his groupie and travel the world with him. And yes. It's all in my head. But the places music takes me, I would never have gone otherwise. ...

My mother stayed young throughout her entire life. Not a wearing hippie clothes, doing outrageous stuff kind of young. But learning something new each year, applying that and looking at the world with fresh eyes kind of young. In comparison, I have felt old many times. When I've not risked enough, when I've not said that I'm hurt enough, or when I've not been spontaneous enough. So today (it's evening already, but who cares!), is a brand new day. I'm going to start doing at least two things that I really, really love. And the toughest part? I'll continue doing these, even when it gets tough, when I'm running short of time, when I'm running long on excuses and even when I'm not loving myself enough. Beginning with baring my soul here. Everyday.

Yes, yes - I haven't been writing. Not that I haven't penned down thoughts, or ideas, just haven't put them together in a blog post. Today though I swam through that inertia - which makes me write only long e-mails to close friends and sometimes meaningful updates on Facebook. It all started with a discussion about a particular friend who is in a troubled, unhappy marriage. I'll just call her 'S'. She is attractive, intelligent, confident, well-read, well-traveled - yes, I know, so what's the catch? The catch or the giant blip on the radar is her husband. He is ALSO attractive, intelligent, well-read....you get the drift? What he is not, is that he is not a nice person. He likes demeaning his wife, sometimes beating her and keeping her cowed down. You wouldn't think it was possible in this day and age. Not with the kind of woman I just described. But then, unfortunately, it is just so much more commoner than we think it is.  So what does make a ...

Birthday coming up sometime soon...and thoughts of growing old keep cropping up as well. Here's a list, in no particular order (excepting the first one!), which tells you why I so love the aging process...at least for now ;) 1. A fabulous, fantastic life partner who's a friend first. 2. Few, not many, friends. Friends who get my jokes, my feelings, my emotions, my happy days and not so happy days. Who're there for me...when I say that, I really do mean it...they're always there for me. 2 . Enjoying the work I do...voluntary and paid work...I am at a phase in life where I actually take on projects that I have fun writing...it's a lot of learning, a lot of unlearning and sometimes a lot of stress...but apart from all that they're always fun! 2. Finding peace within myself...being comfortable in my own skin is the biggest thing I've achieved recently...I know I need to lose some more weight, but I'm getting there...in the meantime, I'm just comforta...