Loose Change

Years ago, I knew (deep down in your guts, take on the world kind of knowledge) that I was destined to learn French. I was in love with the language.The food, over the top mannerisms and the Gallic exclamations - I was enchanted by all of it. I took the next logical course of applying for a language course. National level entrance exams made the entry tough - or so they said. But you know the naivety and certainty of youth, right? No, no this bit has a happy ending. I did get admission, started the course, was getting A levels; enjoying every minute of it all. So of course, I had to screw it up. Pretty much like a lot of things that I've managed to, in life. An abusive relationship, lost friends, and more. I couldn't handle it anymore and ran away.  I didn't lose weight, but I did continue running for a very long time. I didn't really find myself, neither did I know what I was looking for. Some years back though, some of it changed. I have found my so...

Oh! That's not fair. I'm not an album person at all. In fact this question was the perfect 'out' for me to not write today. However, I do love music. I listen to it at all times, in all moods and seasons - sometimes to escape reality. And sometimes to remind myself of the real world. My favourites would be a wide mix - from Hindustani Classical to Jazz.  When Rodrigo y Gabriela start playing the guitar, I wear that wide flared skirt and dance the perfect samba (or is it the salsa?). And when Pandit Jasraj sings, I'm in this saree wearing a large bindi in an almost meditative trance. Ella makes me feel loved, wanting to be loved some more and sensual. And Nina Simone starts a yearning deep down, which I rarely express knowing that it will most often be misunderstood. With Leonard Cohen, I become his groupie and travel the world with him. And yes. It's all in my head. But the places music takes me, I would never have gone otherwise. ...

My mother stayed young throughout her entire life. Not a wearing hippie clothes, doing outrageous stuff kind of young. But learning something new each year, applying that and looking at the world with fresh eyes kind of young. In comparison, I have felt old many times. When I've not risked enough, when I've not said that I'm hurt enough, or when I've not been spontaneous enough. So today (it's evening already, but who cares!), is a brand new day. I'm going to start doing at least two things that I really, really love. And the toughest part? I'll continue doing these, even when it gets tough, when I'm running short of time, when I'm running long on excuses and even when I'm not loving myself enough. Beginning with baring my soul here. Everyday.